Venus and Mars

WOMEN

Just-got-engaged: (with eyes wide open) Look, at what he gave me?!!? 22 carat pure Gold!!

Single and looking: Oh my.. its amazing. Look how big it is.

In a relationship since 6 yrs: Sweet, but I hope he really loves you.

Just -got-engaged: Of course he does. Why would you say so?

In a relationship since 6 yrs: Well, if you ask me, you guys just met like yesterday. So am just looking out for you darling.

Single and bi: Don’t worry, he’ll love u and all. How’s he in bed?

Just-got- engaged: (eye wink).

Single and looking: (lost in dreams)You’re so lucky, how come I don’t meet such guys.

Divorced : Fuck this shit. Keep the ring, screw him, take the cash and run for it!!

MEN:

Just-got-engaged: Guys, I proposed to her yesterday, and she said yes.

Single and looking: Wow that’s fast, but hey! Congrats dude.

In a relationship since 6 yrs: I admire your courage soldier. I still get cold feet thinking about marriage.

Just-got-engaged: What do u mean. You’ve been with her since 6 yrs.

In a relationship since 6 yrs: Yea, I know, that’s why it’s a sticky situation. Am just hoping for the best, for you,  and me.

Gay : Oh my!! (sigh) That is sweet, but, just to be absolutely certain, there’s still a year for your marriage right?

Just-got-engaged: I don’t know. Date’s not fixed. A year seems long though.

Single and looking: You know what, you can be my wingman now. Hook me up with some hotties will ya?

Divorced: What’s wrong with you guys?  Haven’t you learnt anything. Screw her, break up, and switch the original ring with a fake one, while she's asleep!!

What i learnt in school, college and at work #1

Back in school, I was in a class of 45 students. There were 8 of us guys. The rest called themselves girls. Now, for an engineering student (especially from NITs and IITs)this would come 2nd place, in the "i want to be" list,  right under [Software Engineer, Google]. Anyway, here's what i learnt then...

1.In any class vote, your (the miniority) opinion will be the most sought after.

2. In a group that BIG, there's always that 1 girl who will defeat you in an arm wrestling match.

3. If you are the class representative, there is no (@#*!)ing way in hell, you would be able to keep this class silent.

4. You piss one girl off, and you're branded for life! That one incident could be a topic of discussion for many reunions later on.

5.You like 1 female from your class--> You have broken another's heart. (Doesn't matter if your crush doesn't like you, your still a Jerk.)

6.If you value your reputation one teeny weeny bit, never ever think, your a stud!!... NEVER!

7. They can never be united. Divide and Rule works perfectly. Well, at least the divide part of it.

8. Dare and Confess/Spin the bottle would be the best game you will ever play... till you hear of something called Counter Strike.

2009--->@Work. Team of 15,  3 guys.

1.If you want to talk about the new, office babe with your female team mates, you will refer to her as dumbo/stupid/idiot. "bi(A)tch" earns you brownie points.

2.If they say they can't code. They mean it. They will not try and you shouldn't try convincing them either.

3. You always keep an extra handkerchief. Your new "full stop" could be any one amongst  please, pretty, and chocolate.

4.You will avoid every single discussion that starts with "men". They are likely to end with "bastards".

5.You shall pray for forgiveness for the woman, if she says "Whats the big deal with (the almighty) Sachin hitting a 200?"


I gotta admit, after writing the above, i cant help but wonder what Bryan Adams meant, when he sang "Have you ever REALLY loved a woman..."

P.S : College (2004-2008): I did ENGINEERING, in durgapoor, Durgapur

The great indian hook up..

Few days ago, I met this guy from college. The last time I saw him, he was wailing like a baby.(It was the last day in college, but wailing.. really??) The conversation went something like this..

Friend: Hey!!! bro..Hi man, long time no see..
Me: Hey friend, am good re. How about u? yea, quite a long time…

Friend: So where are you working?
Me: ‘silly s/w company’.

Friend: I heard you’re committed.
Me: No man..

Friend: Don’t hide the secret from me .I know you’re committed. It’s the talk of the town. Everyone knows about it.
Me: Cool, glad you guys do.

Friend: So tell me, where is she from?
Me: Planet earth..talk about something else dude….

Friend: I know she is from around here. U are committed. Now you will forget all your friends. You will forget me too.
Me: (to myself) I never remembered you were here in the first place.

Why is my relationship status is the first few questions people ask me. No one asked me back in college. There are folks who call all the way from U.S. just to know, whose going out with whom, and whose cheating whom. I mean, wow, gossip does connect people. All you need is a rumor about you going out with somebody, just about anybody. And before u know it, you would be answering calls from god knows where, justifying the one sighting some jobless fellow made of you shaking hands with a girl in a mall. You’re suddenly , what everyone’s talking about. It’s fun initially, but then it gets boring, and silly.

Step 2. Thanks to all this hype, you start joking about it with the girl. She laughs it off. You think, could it be..?

3. You plan your first date, but things backfire at the last minute, due to some urgency that had to come up at that very time.

4. Two days later you check orkut. Every college community, is speaking about the 101 dates you and your female acquaintance has been on.

5. The female sees these posts.( Apparently your friends have spread your fame far
and wide that they have reached her friends, who apparently like your friends begin pulling her legs too.)

She approaches you to talk about it. She talks, you listen. She talks, you talk. You talk, she listens. She wants you to talk more. And before you know it, you’re talking with her on the phone. You’re going out with her, enjoying yourself.

Maybe friends aren’t that bad after all… :)


Seen on a temple in south India: It is forbidden to enter a woman, with or without slippers.

Cheerios..